Tag Archives: lularoe

Inspiration

I’ve realized lately that being an inspiration really drives me. Not in a way that I want attention or that I feel like I’m receiving some kind of praise, but more in the sense of wanting others to be better, to feel better, and to have hope.  If I can share my experiences and if that sharing can result in others having more hope or for them to find the energy to push through something they didn’t think they could face, or for them to have a desire to pay something forward and help someone else – that makes me want to share more. I want to see lives improved, refreshed, and uplifted.

I haven’t been sharing a lot lately for several reasons. Our life doesn’t change much day to day and there aren’t medical updates. In the beginning I was learning how to navigate Glioblastoma and I had three purposes for this blog – To give God the glory for the healing that I believed was going to happen, to keep friends and family updated, and to help others navigate their diagnosis and give them hope and inspiration.

Our experience with Glioblastoma is not a normal experience because Mike is still here 4.5 years later.  Now I’m learning to navigate an entirely unplanned situation.  I like to plan and I like to have an idea of what my future holds. Even when the prognosis was scary, there was comfort in planning.  I had to plan for him to pass away as thats the normal outcome of someone diagnosed with Glioblastoma. I have learned that I have no idea what life has in store for my family.

….Then I realized that life would be hard either way. That losing him would be unbearable…and I also realized that this new normal wasn’t going to be easy or full of enjoyment either. I’ve had to embrace that its ok to feel that way. That I shouldn’t feel guilty for grieving what we had or what we thought our future held. I did lose a lot with his diagnosis. He is here but there are many things that we grieve that are no longer here.  I had to realize that I couldn’t prepare for the future.  I have to just face it each day and navigate the best I can. I’m a wife in my 30’s – but I feel like I’m living a lifestyle of someone much older. He’s like a dementia/alzheimers patient. Going from having a husband who was a strong head of household in many ways to now being the head of the household has really been a transition for me.  All responsibilities fall on me. I now have a husband who doesn’t understand how to pour himself a glass of milk.

I’ve grown so much through this experience and I want others to know that whatever it is that you are facing – you can do it.

Having a husband on hospice and a 15 year old daughter who was pregnant felt impossible.  We did it and we are still doing it.  I could have given up. I could have decided I couldn’t face the next day. But I didn’t. I fought through to see the joy that I knew was coming. I’ve always held onto the thought that joy comes…if you hold on long enough, you will have a moment that made all the hardship worth fighting through.

Establishing a successful business felt impossible with the limitations of being homebound and taking care of such a hectic family – but I’ve made Trainer with LuLaRoe and have been absolutely blown away with the success of my business.  For many months I thought “Ok, I will keep putting one foot in front of the other until I fail, and then I will throw in the towel.” I gave myself permission to fail before I even started. In my mind, I wanted to go ahead and try and get the failure over with so I could get that desire to try behind me.  I knew I wanted to try selling LuLaRoe. I figured I’d fail. Guess what…I’m 6 months in and instead of bracing for failure, I’m now excited to continue to build my business.  Sometimes you have to face a situation with tenacity. You have to dig deep and you have to fight to get through some things.

So here I am – hoping that I can give  you some inspiration to face those things that feel impossible. New diagnosis, scary prognosis, personal situations – whatever it is, you’ve got this!

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“I’m proud of you”

At about 1am after an exhausting day, I finally got into bed to sleep knowing I had to be up by 6am.  Mike talks a lot as I’m trying to fall asleep and he kept saying “I’m proud of you. I love you.” And guess what, I woke up proud of myself.  We have been together for 18 years and a lot of negative words were spoken in those 18 years. A lot of people who know us now would be surprised at the struggles we had. I’m pretty transparent about our lives in hopes to help others. Words are SO powerful.  They have the ability to speak life into someone or totally tear them down and destroy them. Words have healing power. Do we want to build up our loved ones or destroy them?  Use your words wisely and speak life into those you love. Words are creative.  Negative words can creative a slew of destruction including insecurity and doubt. Negative words cause pain. Pain causes destruction. Negative words can destroy marriages and relationships. Positive words can CREATE. How COOL is that when you really think about it?  By what we speak, we can create hope, love, encouragement, excitement, motivation, relationships! I could go on and on.  I think all too often we like to blame someone for their actions against us but we take no responsibility for our words or attitudes towards them.  Our words don’t even have to be specifically against them to destroy a relationship with them.  Negative words are not going to return to us in positive actions for the most part. It takes a whole lot of grace to respond to negativity with something positive. I’m not saying I’m positive all the time. Yesterday was an emotional day for me and I ended up in tears several times. The thing is, I don’t unpack and live there.  Facing the tough parts of life and then focusing on the positive is not only my goal. it’s my survival strategy.

We have a responsibility to speak life into those we love. This is so important for those with brain cancer and their caregivers too. If you are suffering and you have a caregiver, you can breathe so much LIFE into them by thanking them. Build them up with words, tell them they are doing a good job and that you appreciate them. I bet they will be motivated to take even better care of you. If you are the caregiver, you can build up your loved one by using words to show them they are NOT a burden to you. Let them know it is an honor to care for them.

Sometimes with brain cancer, depending on what area of the brain is damaged or where the tumor is located,  no matter what you do, there is anger and aggression.  (It’s not limited to where the tumor is located. Sometimes the brain has swelling and that swelling causes pressure to another area of the brain.  Different areas control different functions, but swelling can cause your loved one to have functionality issues in different areas.)  It’s hard to let those words and actions bounce off us as caregivers. It’s hard to not let that cause damage to us and our relationships.  I personally pray for grace in those moments. I’ve prayed for protection over my kids that in those moments that there is a hedge of protection around them.  I’m trying so hard to lead my example for my kids. If they see me act in patience and kindness, they are more likely to do the same. I learned this the hard way. When I react to some of Mike’s behaviors with frustration, the kids do too.  I don’t always succeed, but I do better than if I didn’t try at all.  I’m human and my first instinct isn’t always to act in love and kindness. This is an interesting graphic about what areas of the brain can affect different functions. It is interesting to see because Mike’s tumor was discovered in his left occipital lobe and he can’t read because the letters don’t make sense anymore.

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Functions of the brain

Proverbs 15:1 ESV
1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
I figured I’d also share a photo of me and my grandbaby in our matching LuLaRoe leggings!  I have a whole blog post to share about being a caregiver and taking care of ourselves, so you will probably see this photo again as I’ve just recently stopped living in pajamas and actually getting dressed and taking care of me again. It was totally normal for me to shower and just change into another pair of pajamas each day because I didn’t see the point in getting dressed when I knew I wasn’t going to leave the house.
LuLaRoe Leggings

Here’s my grandbaby rocking matching LuLaRoe leggings. They aren’t just for Mommy and Me, we like to “Grandma and Me”