I’ve realized lately that being an inspiration really drives me. Not in a way that I want attention or that I feel like I’m receiving some kind of praise, but more in the sense of wanting others to be better, to feel better, and to have hope. If I can share my experiences and if that sharing can result in others having more hope or for them to find the energy to push through something they didn’t think they could face, or for them to have a desire to pay something forward and help someone else – that makes me want to share more. I want to see lives improved, refreshed, and uplifted.
I haven’t been sharing a lot lately for several reasons. Our life doesn’t change much day to day and there aren’t medical updates. In the beginning I was learning how to navigate Glioblastoma and I had three purposes for this blog – To give God the glory for the healing that I believed was going to happen, to keep friends and family updated, and to help others navigate their diagnosis and give them hope and inspiration.
Our experience with Glioblastoma is not a normal experience because Mike is still here 4.5 years later. Now I’m learning to navigate an entirely unplanned situation. I like to plan and I like to have an idea of what my future holds. Even when the prognosis was scary, there was comfort in planning. I had to plan for him to pass away as thats the normal outcome of someone diagnosed with Glioblastoma. I have learned that I have no idea what life has in store for my family.
….Then I realized that life would be hard either way. That losing him would be unbearable…and I also realized that this new normal wasn’t going to be easy or full of enjoyment either. I’ve had to embrace that its ok to feel that way. That I shouldn’t feel guilty for grieving what we had or what we thought our future held. I did lose a lot with his diagnosis. He is here but there are many things that we grieve that are no longer here. I had to realize that I couldn’t prepare for the future. I have to just face it each day and navigate the best I can. I’m a wife in my 30’s – but I feel like I’m living a lifestyle of someone much older. He’s like a dementia/alzheimers patient. Going from having a husband who was a strong head of household in many ways to now being the head of the household has really been a transition for me. All responsibilities fall on me. I now have a husband who doesn’t understand how to pour himself a glass of milk.
I’ve grown so much through this experience and I want others to know that whatever it is that you are facing – you can do it.
Having a husband on hospice and a 15 year old daughter who was pregnant felt impossible. We did it and we are still doing it. I could have given up. I could have decided I couldn’t face the next day. But I didn’t. I fought through to see the joy that I knew was coming. I’ve always held onto the thought that joy comes…if you hold on long enough, you will have a moment that made all the hardship worth fighting through.
Establishing a successful business felt impossible with the limitations of being homebound and taking care of such a hectic family – but I’ve made Trainer with LuLaRoe and have been absolutely blown away with the success of my business. For many months I thought “Ok, I will keep putting one foot in front of the other until I fail, and then I will throw in the towel.” I gave myself permission to fail before I even started. In my mind, I wanted to go ahead and try and get the failure over with so I could get that desire to try behind me. I knew I wanted to try selling LuLaRoe. I figured I’d fail. Guess what…I’m 6 months in and instead of bracing for failure, I’m now excited to continue to build my business. Sometimes you have to face a situation with tenacity. You have to dig deep and you have to fight to get through some things.
So here I am – hoping that I can give you some inspiration to face those things that feel impossible. New diagnosis, scary prognosis, personal situations – whatever it is, you’ve got this!