In December I am due to renew the payment for the blog and I’m going to go ahead and renew it for another year instead of stopping the blog. I’ve gotten so many messages about how this blog has made people realize that they are not alone. Even not publishing new posts, the stats of the blog are still soaring showing me that hurting and scared people are still searching google for hope after a diagnosis of Glioblastoma. (I can see what search terms brings people to the blog) I can’t stop making a difference in giving people hope that they can get through another day as a caregiver. I can’t stop giving YOU, the NEWLY diagnosed the realization that although YOU are facing a devastating diagnosis, that there are still people out there praying that YOU are going have moments of pure joy. I want you to know that as a caregiver, it is hard on us, but YOU are so worth every sacrifice we make to take care of you.
We are 3.5 years into this life of being a family with brain cancer. I don’t know where the blog is going. Its incredibly hard for me to share my life through a blog and it gives me a lot of anxiety and that was part of wanting to stop. Knowing that I can’t pick and choose who can see through that “window” that I’m sharing puts me in a vulnerable spot, but it’s worth it for the people who I have truly touched and who it has made a difference for. “We” (those with brain cancer and their caregivers) are fighting such a lonely battle and there aren’t a lot of tangible resources available, so I don’t want to take the blog away too.
God has called me to live my life out loud as a testimony to show how by His grace I survive each day. He wants me to share my highs and my lows to help you to know that whatever it is you are going through, you can do this.
December will mark 11 months for Mike on Hospice! Going into hospice, you know that you are there because there is a life expectancy of less than 6 months. It was an emotional day when they admitted him and I had to sign the “DNR” for my husband. We continue to choose joy the best we can, and do our best to not let the fear of the future steal our enjoyment of today.
Mike doesn’t do very well leaving the house, but he has some fun days still. Many days he sleeps and many days he struggles with his confusion, anxiety and head pain.
One day this month, he was feeling quite feisty. It happened to be a day that I was trying to work. (I tried to go back to work as a photographer but his good and bad days are still too random for me to try to work right now. He can’t be left alone and even trying to work from home is not possible with him, so I gave up on that idea.) That day I was feeling down so I put some old funk music on while editing because it always gets Mike in a good mood, so I thought it might work for me. Well, I had to stop working and started to video Mike since he broke out some dance moves! the funniest part is when I play this video back and he laughs at his own moves or is like “oh yeah! You know whats up!”