I’m enjoying being a Scentsy consultant because its something I can do mostly from home and it brings in a little bit of income. (and it brings in a lot of my favorite product! lol) I’m thankful to have some busy work to do this morning as I sort orders and organize parties. I’ve always been one to stay busy, so not being able to leave the house due to Mike’s health is a huge struggle for me. At one point in our marriage, Mike was deployed to Iraq for a year so I was raising the kids alone that year, I worked full time, and attended college online full time…since then I have learned to find a healthier balance of not always having to be so busy, but I still don’t do well staying still for long. I’m constantly tempted to continue my college education online again, but with our teenager having a baby coming soon, I just don’t know how much I can handle at a time. Life is guaranteed to be busy for awhile. I’m so guilty of taking on too much and then being overwhelmed. I’m thinking maybe I actually haven’t found that healthy balance because as I typed that I thought “I should do it, I should sign up for classes online!” It’s hard because I know I need to be here to take care of Mike now and he can’t be left alone, but I also struggle with all the uncertainty in my future. Looking back, none of my “future” plans have ever worked out the way I intended them to. I can’t help but feel like I should be doing something now to plan for the future…but I don’t know how to plan for the unknown and try to set a foundation for anything when my entire life is on pause in a way as unsettling as the sole provider having a terminal illness… Mike has always been the financial stability in our family, even when I did work full time. Being a military family and moving often, that’s just how it played out for us.
Mike is doing well. I’m amazed daily at the fact that he is alive and he has been out of bed every day for at least 4 hours for the last couple of weeks. Some days he’s up for an entire 9 hour day. He does have some days when he sleeps until evening, but he hasn’t slept all day for days in a row lately like he has before. His confusion is bad some days, but he has never forgotten who are are, so I know it could be worse. Just last night he was trying to convince me to buy him a motorcycle even though he hasn’t driven in years. He had a fall earlier this week and feels like he bruised a rib. There is no keeping him still though, he is determined to walk around in the yard every day.
As much as I might get sad or frustrated with the situation, deep down, I always know that it is an honor and privilege to take care of my husband.