Since Mikes diagnosis I’ve connected with a lot of other glioblastoma families online. Watching my friends lose their husbands never gets easier. I’ve felt so much heartache for people I have never even met in person. I ache for them. These ladies have unbelievable strength to carry on and raise their kids as single moms. Even if they are just going through the motions, they are amazingly strong to get up every morning and go through the motions. I have grieved constantly over the past 32 months. There was a time when I stopped accepting personal friend requests because I couldn’t handle the amount of loss I was seeing. On one hand it is comforting to know that others face this and that’s it’s possible to face tomorrow. On the other hand, some days there is a sadness that I have a hard time shaking. I just want all of my GBM friends to know that you aren’t carrying your sadness alone. I grieve with you and I carry your heavy burden of sadness too. I pray for you all often. There are so many that I can’t even begin to recall all of you in one sitting, but as I’m going through my day, I think of you. Sometimes it’s the wife who is losing her husband and knows there are only days left. Sometimes it’s one who had a very short GBM journey and we only crossed paths online for a short time and I randomly remember an experience they shared or I remember their loss. My heart seems to constantly ache for someone. When my heart aches, I pray for you. That’s an aspect of this whole journey that I never expected. I never expected to grieve so much on a daily basis for people I don’t even know. It’s a quiet constant heaviness that I don’t talk about to many people.
February 17, 2015