I’ve received some really powerful messages from people who have stumbled across this blog after their loved ones were diagnosed. If it weren’t for those messages I would have probably quit blogging by now. It’s really hard to pour your heart out knowing that anyone can read it..but then I get a message from someone who says that my words made a difference in their day and it reminds me why I continue to blog. There isn’t a lot to share at this point because not much changes day to day.
We are in a very frustrating place. Mike sees his oncologist once a month for medication refills. It’s hard watching him struggle each day and knowing that I can’t do anything to improve his quality of life. On a typical day I wake up and go to sleep with the first and last words I hear being “I’m not doing good” or “My head hearts.” I wake up and walk straight to the medicine knowing he’s going to continue to repeat the same words all day. He often holds his hand on his scar and asks “What happened to me?” I can’t even put into words how deep my heart hearts knowing I can’t fix this. There’s no doctor I can reach out to who can give us hope. I have never been tough enough to see people in pain. I am thankful Mike is here but I wish so badly that he could have more good moments. I wake up in the morning praying “God I can’t even get out of bed until I know you are going to get me through this day.” Before I go to sleep the prayer is usually “Thank you for today and for getting me through.”
The kids are all doing great. Our oldest is working full time and is starting classes at the local community college. I’m so proud of her for pushing through and graduating early and starting college as a teen mom. At 17 she is one of the strongest people I know. Her baby keeps us all on our toes. She started crawling and standing at 7.5 months and hasn’t stopped moving since. Our son is doing well in high school. Our lifestyle has changed drastically since before Mike got sick. We used to be a very active family and now our days are spent mostly at home, so he spends a lot of time in his room. He loves video games and his favorite class in school is one where he learned to program video games. Our youngest daughter is always upside down these days since starting gymnastics last year. Any given moment that you walk into the living room she is likely to be upside down in a handstand or doing a cartwheel. She also started riding lessons recently.
I’m working full time from home as a LuLaRoe Consultant. I fell in love with the clothes and the company and saw it as a great opportunity to work from home. I’ve transformed our loft into what I call the LuLaRoom. Most of my business is done online and it has been successful so far. I’ve been able to model my business focusing on customers online since I’m not able to do in person sales as much with our home situation.
Some days I feel guilty for the time I spend on it, but I also know that our kids need me to have an established income since the future is unknown with Mike. I know that once Glioblastoma is diagnosed that it’s expected to grow back. I’m still praying for healing and restoration.
I joke about Mike’s midnight snack attack. Seriously, as soon as I feel like I can crawl into bed and get some rest, he’s up rummaging through the cabinets for food. I’ve started to really push yogurt, fruit and vegetables…he usually wants chocolate.
Donut Friday’s are still his favorite. We can almost always get a smile out of him over a donut. I have a huge heart for giving…Mike loves donuts…I love LuLaRoe…He is back at the oncologists office he has been with since 2012…so naturally, we showed up at the last appointment with Krispy Kreme for the staff and a donation of comfortable buttery soft leggings for the infusion center patients. I’d love to take more – not only to the infusion center, but to the children’s hospital and hospice center. Being a caregiver and finding comfortable stylish clothes was a big deal for me so I would like to pass that on. I love the idea of both cancer patients and caregivers being comfortable and knowing that someone cared enough to give them a gift. When you are in these situations, any good deed can be wind in your sales to get through another day. Just to know someone cares enough to go out of their way to do something for you. I can only give so much. There was a time I told Mike “You can’t outgive God.” He said “Yeah, but are you outgiving our bank account?!”
If you’d like to purchase a pair of leggings, shirt, or outfit for a donation – just fill out this form and I will email you an invoice to sponsor a pair. I will take them directly to the patients. My focus this month will be the children’s hospital since September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I will take leggings to both kids and their moms.